


Divide by Zero Error

by Zoneshifter_D



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic), ゼロの使い魔 | Zero no Tsukaima | The Familiar of Zero
Genre: Action/Adventure, Crossover, Deconstruction, Gen, Humor, Mad Science, Magic, Romance, what was I thinking?!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-06-28 08:30:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15703563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoneshifter_D/pseuds/Zoneshifter_D
Summary: Louis de la Valliere might have been relieved to be merely the Zero who cannot cast a proper spell. Instead, she is afflicted with something more troublesome than an ability to cast only explosions. There is some...spark within her that whispers of possibilities and potentials and magics blasphemous to Brimir. It calls upon her to show them all. What may happen when she decides to make all who mock her rue the day they called her "Zero"?





	1. In which there is a girl who is a little bit odd

**Author's Note:**

> I just want everyone to know... this is totally Samarkand12's fault.

It was times like this that one professor Jean Colbert pondered how things got to this state. When he first met Louise Francoise Lu Blanc de la Valliére, he had not known what to make of her. For one such as her, born to the illustrious Valliére family, and yet to have the… peculiar difficulties she possessed was all but unheard of. Oh, she was remarkably intelligent, that was never in question. She usually received top marks in her written tests and oral questions. So at least in that sense, she was one of his better students.

So it was a rather unexplainable mystery that she couldn’t cast a single spell successfully without something exploding. Any cast for any type of spell would invariable end in a rather large explosion, somehow heatless and flameless explosion. In all his years of studying magic, he could not truly find an equivalent way to replicate the effects using any of the usual elemental affinities that might be expected for a young noble to harness. Especially since even the spells that weren’t shaped in one of the four elements, fire, water, wind, and earth, would also explode! It was a rather frustrating conundrum for everyone involved. No teacher could figure out a way to get her to cast magic properly and the reputation as a screw-up she developed because of her consistent and explosive failures made her the object of ridicule to her peers. The girl was nothing, if not stubborn, if her proclamations of showing them all one day were any indication.

_**"CONFOUND THIS PART! STUPID INFERIOR MATERIAL TOLERANCES! STUPID ALLOY BALANCES! PROFESSOR! I NEED-! OH YES, I NEED THE BALANCES TO BE-!"** _

He was wondering how she was going to show them all by making some horrendous contraption with many legs and pincer claws… and how she did it by using his prototype of an internal combustion engine meant as a proof for concept for proving fire could be used by something other than destruction, and how she managed to drag him into the whole mess as her… beleaguered assistant.

_**“BAHAHAHAHAHAH-YES! THIS IS IT! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!”** _

He could certainly do without the maniacal laughter and the… odd harmonics that possessed her voice. And while he appreciated the… practice he was getting with his alchemy and recreating odd and very interesting materials and compounds that were thought to be useless before but turned out to have quite a variety of things that could be done with them, if you knew what you were doing, he was rather concerned for her apparent mental health. Of course, he was hoping to ask her later how she knew such things that could advance the arts of alchemy by such a large degree but-

 _ **“AND NOW, WATCH AS I-WHAT IS IT?!”**_ before she could activate the monstrosity she probably wanted to unleash on her less than cordial classmates, she was interrupted by a maid.

“Oh, Miss Valliére, you nearly forgot your dinner~!” Her name was Siesta, a somewhat exotic looking girl that hailed from the farming village of Tarbes. There was a story behind how she came to all but be snatched up by Louise from among the castle maids, but Jean Colbert wasn’t sure what that story might be.

_**“Nooo, I MUST ACTIVATE MY CREATION AND THEN-!”** _

“I made those dumplings you like so much!”

_**“Ooh, gimme!”** _

And just like that, the odd state of fugue that gripped the girl was completely broken and the girl seemed to calm down and act… normal, if such a thing could really be ascribed to her, with what he had just witnessed. In fact, it seemed like she was becoming drowsier as she ate and drank. Eventually, she finished and pretty much fell asleep on her seat. Siesta ensured to clean her face of any food residue, although Louise had in fact eaten with the sort of impeccable table manners that would be expected of a girl of her upbringing. The maid then just sighed. “Oh, Miss Valliére is going to be so mortified when she wakes up again, isn’t she?” she asked after looking at the thing resembling a crab. “She was probably upset because of the von Zerbst girl again”.

“Ah, yes, their… enmity is known to me,” Senseless and pointless as it was, in the professor’s opinion. Of course, familial grudges usually were in the long run. Too bad the Germanian girl saw their little rivalry as good-natured fun, and just wouldn’t stop herself from bullying Louise at any given chance. The irony that Kirche’s apparent best friend was also the only person in the entire student body that never actually made fun or disparaged the Valliére girl was not lost on him.

Of course, Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalst Zerbst wasn’t the only one that was the source of the problem. She started things usually, but others would usually follow her lead. That they were seemingly uncaring that Louise, problems with magic aside, was from what was arguably the most powerful and prestigious of Tristain’s noble families spoke of incredible ignorance or incredible boldness and arrogance. Did they think that because Louise was not exactly talented that her family somehow became weaker?

Not exactly talented… then what would he call her ability to construct things like this horrible crab alviss thing like she did? He would have to disassemble the thing, taking careful notes about it while he did so. Diagrams too, he would have to get his drafting implements. Oh, but she drafted some blueprints of the machine! He should probably study those as well. However, he was soon interrupted from his ponderings by Siesta.

“Professor Colbert, may I please bring Miss Valliére back to her room? It would probably be best if she was in her bed,” she said.

“Oh, will you not need help to do so?” As petite as the noble girl was, the maid wasn’t really that much taller.

“Oh, I assure you, Professor, I can handle it!” Siesta replied with a bright smile. When she picked the sleeping girl, she didn’t seem like she put any effort at all. Ah, right, Tarbes was a farming village; the girl likely packed quite more strength than what was seemingly apparent from helping in the fields. She did leave the implements of Ms. Valliére’s dinner behind, not that that particular action was too odd; the maid would have had to carry the student over her shoulder like a bag of potatoes to be able to carry the tray on her other hand. She or another maid would go and clean up later.

In the meantime… oh, blast, he still needed to prepare his lesson plans for tomorrow. He’d have to make extra sure to lock his workshop until he could dismantle the thing. And he so wanted to look at how she improved upon his engine…

 

-0-

 

_She was dreaming of that day again. That one day, when it happened._

_She was in a boat in the middle of the pond as she usually was whenever she wanted to be alone when she was upset. That day’s magic practice had been as wretched as it usually was. No matter how much effort she put in, it all ended the same way._

_She hated it. She hated being defective. She hated Eleanor belittling her. She hated mother’s silent disappointment. She hated father’s pity. She hated how her efforts seemed to be in vain no matter what she did._

_And so here she was, in the one place where no one would bother her, where she could let her tears flow without worrying about anyone watching her weakness. She wouldn’t even want her betrothed watching her right now, no matter how nice his words of comfort usually felt._

_She wondered what she did to deserve this. Magic was the birthright of those born to nobility. Magic was the sign that one was of the nobility. She couldn’t use magic. Did that make her some sort of fake noble in spite of her being born the daughter to the legendary Heavy Wind?_

_She didn’t know, but she wanted to not care. She wanted to not care about her mother, about her father, about her sisters, about being noble. She wanted to not care about magic. She wanted to not hurt anymore!_

_She lost track of the time she had spent there. No doubt, her mother would have some words regarding her lack of self-control and composure. That wasn’t really new. The Rule of Steel demanded for one to be strong and unbendable against difficulties. That was the rule mother lived by. That was the rule she wished she could live by, but it fell just so short of her grasp._

_Rowing back to the dock, she noticed that it was as bright as midday in the middle of the afternoon. But when she saw the position of the sun, she realized the brightness was coming from behind her. Then, she turned around to see and-_

**_DANGERDANGERHOPELESSRAGEFRUSTRATIONHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPHELPPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINPAINHELPHELPHELPF̷̱͚̻̻̏̽̊̈́̕͘͜R̴̨͎̗̫͙͙̽̓̂̓͗̒̒̌͝͞Ë̸̡̞̞̙̙̗̻͕͙̍̒̓͂̅͟͡Ȩ̶̠͎̝̱͎̥̄̐̃̂͗̋̀͘D̶̨͓̭̦͕̣͚̻̯̓́͋͊͆̄͢Ơ͔̮͔̦̰̭̬͋͑͋̍͂̿̋̚͜M̢̛̩̲͍͈̹͚͋̆͛̎̇̃̇̇͟͡._ **

Louise woke up in a cold sweat. Taking steadying breaths to calm down, one particular thought of great importance came to mind.

‘Why am I naked?’

Getting out of her bed in her room (while thanking God and the Founder for small favors like being in her own room instead of, Heaven forbid, someone else’s), the girl looked to her window to see if she needed to put on her night clothes or her uniform. It was still pretty dark; she’d likely have to put on a nightgown. But where was the nightgown that she was supposed to already be wearing if she was in her bed?

She dreaded the answer as she turned on the mage lights in her room. She found exactly what she expected; her desk was all but buried under a mass of papers that likely had some more blueprints and theoretical formulae that she likely drafted while asleep. Again. The desktop also had her missing nightgown. It seemed she had run out of paper and took it off and started scribbling things on it instead. Looking at the diagrams, it seems her nightgown had been sacrificed to make the designs of some kind of self moving trebuchet with several calculations for **launching that stupid Germanian cow all the way back to her stupid heathen country! Oh! With the right torsion, she could even-!**

Louise forcefully stopped that **(fascinating, intriguing, and FUN)** train of thought by sheer force of will and took deep breaths to calm down. Then she went and got another nightgown and went to her bed and turned off the mage lights again. Unfortunately, in spite of the mystery of her nakedness being sufficiently solved, the young noble realized that she didn’t remember when she got to her room, never mind getting dressed in her now-ruined nightgown and into bed.

She could just go to sleep and think about it in the morning. Yes, that is what a sensible young lady should be doing. Yes, that is what she should be doing. So of course, she tried to recount the events of the day instead.

‘Let us see… breakfast: It was tasty. Morning Classes: Practical magic classes were terrible as usual; Paper tests were fine. Lunch: Delightful. Afternoon classes: There was a primer on fire magic, it’s history and its particular properties, something that I already knew, so instead of taking notes I-‘

Now she remembered; she had gotten bored about the usual ‘Fire is good at burning things and we must explain this in the most overstated and fancy way of saying fire burns stuff and must also talk about the mages through history that were good at burning stuff’ and started sketching designs of fire using contraptions that would do things with combustion that weren’t just setting things on fire (not that there weren’t some that did). She was so engaged in not listening to the lecture and drawing some ideas that she completely missed as the class was all but over and that **stupid von Zerbst just had to make a mess of things!**

**Didn’t she have anything better to do than torment her over everything ever!? That horseless carriage that didn’t use magic to move was a GREAT idea! But no, the hussy just had to grab her papers, make fun of them and get them ripped up! HOW DARE SHE?! WHY, SHE OUGHT TO-!**

Louise slapped herself in the face and forced herself to calm down yet again before she had another episode. Right, she had ran out of her medicine; her next batch was late and she had been trying not to draw Kirche’s attention to prevent her temper from getting out of hand and doing… things. And she had nearly succeeded too, except THAT completely failed due to her idea sketches being ruined because of **that idiot Germanian skank that-!**

Her other cheek now had a matching handprint. Not like it mattered. She owed Siesta and Montmorency again for getting her under control before she went on a rampage and owed an apology to Professor Colbert for getting him dragged along into her madness. Madness that was becoming harder and harder to get under control the more things she had to get upset over. But she wouldn’t go back home, she couldn’t. She had promised mother things would be fine, that she would be fine here.

It had already been half a year and it look less likely every day that she’d be able to manage it. With a sigh, Louise decided to forget about the whole thing for right now and just go to bed and worry about everything in the morning. She prayed to God that she would at least have pleasant dreams. Hopefully.

(̶̧̹͍̻̠̯̓̓̌̽͛̇͡͠Y̩̝̦̪̜̪̐̅̀̑̏ȏ̡̮͙̦̳̫̩̭͉̐̈̈̾͊̓̒͝ȕ̸̘͕̮͖̽̉̎͘͜͡͞ î̸̭̬̠͚̳̰͑̾̏̌̀̃̏̚͟ͅd̷̬͖̖̺͚̳̀͑̋͘͘͟͢͢i̵͎͍̬̮͙͈͍̟̦̾̑͗͑̒̽͘o̟̦͈̝͖̲̒͑̋̍̍̅͆͘t̹͎̘̣̤̊͋̆͛̀̒̽̕͠͞ͅ ḡ̷̟̟̭̳̥̋͊̌̂̽͠i̶̞͈͓̟̫͎̰̒̀̋̂͐̚͟r̢̧̺̱̬̝̤̱̓̇̊͒̎̈́͋̀̿l̢͓̬͚̻̬̉͂̍̎̋͘̚͟.̴̧̯̲̞͔̜̣̜͙̋̔̐̓̓̉̋̏)̳̣̦͖̯̠̟̫̥̓͗̎̕̚͟͡͝

̶̬̗̠̫̱̞̯̈́̅̇͒͋ ̭̲͉̺͌̾̽̂͛͢(̧̩̩̟͖͛̍̀͛̕͜Ẅ̶̱͉̠͚͖̙̅̚͢͞ͅh̛̻̦͙͓͙̥̉̔̾̆͞ỳ̶͈͙̝̖̅͑͋͟ n̷͚̥̜͖̺̰̲̎͆̚͠͠ọ̸̩͔̥͇̪̩̜͗̒̈́̏̽͑̂͝ţ̶̰̘͖͎̞̮͕̩͌̒̕͘͜͠ d̨̛̛̛̟̝͖̜̭͒̊̅̉̑͋͟͝ę̧̠͚̻̼̱͆̇̊̈́͆͊̚s̸̻̻̞͎̗̋̉̀̿̑͟t̛̙͖͙͚̙̟͚͚͊͛̑͘͟r̴̢̢̠̭̝̘̟̮̻̫̃͗̃͑̂̽͛͘͘̕o̷̰͈̫͕̩͈̦͔͊̈́͆̓̏͠ͅy̥͇͓̬̖̯̥͙͕͋̏̆́̉̓̚͠ ṯ̷̘̖̣͍͊̊́̅̒̊͢ḩ̨̜͕̼̬̝̱̾̉͊̏͆̆͋̕o̷̮̠̟͖̽̇͌̂̐̌̿̿̂͜s̵̡̧͔̙̭̞͖͇͉͔̊̈́̚͘̕ę̷̧̘̪͚͓̟̝̺̏͗̓͗͆̋̋͡ y̛̯͇̹̥̯͂̓͑̈̕͞͝õ̩͙̙̼̰̤̤̖̱̭̆͆̆̃͛͒͘u̵͉̝̜̺̝̼̼̭͑̏̃̾̆̔͑̌̋͢͡ ḩ̨̞̝̟̥̼̺̒̅͌͂̈͟͠a̸̧̨̲̻̜͓͎͛̑̋̃̀̏̈́͘͞t̷̡̲͉̪̥̩͎̲͉̏̋̅͑̂̉͞ę̢̨̗͍̼͕͔̬͇̇̂̑͒̚͡͡?̴̢̳͖͕͇͎̟̮̌̄͛́̇̓́͞ͅ)̴̱͖̬͓̣̝͐͗͊̔̂̏͟͞ ̧̛̺̫̖̠̠̤̳̦̑̈̆̽͛̌͐̚͘ ̱͉͍͕̫̙͍͔͒̑̒̽̆̔͞͞͝

(̶̢̛͕͎̖̫͆̓̾̄͆̚Y̵̢͙̳̱͇̩̞͙͒͋̿̑o̢͕̪͙̭̝̥͖̞͒̒͐̏̈́̐̅̏͊͢͞u̵̢͈̳͎̖̪̯̩̓̑̄̍̓͂̍͢͜ c̴̨̘͕͍̬̘̙͎͗͂̎̃̎̾̐̄͢͡͞a̧͕̹̜̻̎̿͋̊͋̚n̢̻̜͇͔̄̑̈̃̎̆̎͒̏̈́ d̡̺͎̙͙͕̩͎̊͂̆̋̍̏͒̀͘͟o̷̜̳̗͙̮̐̊͊̍͊̌͠ į̞͎̝̞̐̔̋͒͛ţ̶̥̻̺͖̜͚͎̆̏̏͠͞!̞̘̦̬̲̣̃͒̌͛͐͋͂͞͠)̞͚͙̺̟̻̉͂̓̓̌̕͝͡ ̫͇̪̗̗̝͍͗͒̅̍̉̽̇̓͑ ̨̹͖̙͎̺̹͚̼̼̆͊͗̃̽͊̈́̉

(͓̮̠̗̘̞̗̗̇͗͐̅͆̈́͢Ţ̣̻͇̮̍͊̈́̒̓̾͘͠͡ḣ̸̨̺͓͉̦̘̝̥̯̍̾͋͘͠ẹ̸͍͔̗̬̱̈̽̌̉͌̌̄ͅy̵̠͈̼̰̯̝̖̞̮̹̔̀̋͆̐͒̊̇͘͞ d̶̛̛͍̗̰̣̼̰̬͎͉̅͂̈̈̋͋͡ę̶͇͉̬̉͊͗͐̔͐͢s̢̳̹̻̫͉̲͙͌̑̚͡ḙ̸͚̘̗͌͒͑̽́̓̅̕̚͜͡r̢̨̳͙̪͎̤̈̿͋͗̇̄́͂v͓͔̘̩̦͈͂̽͑͋͟͡͠ͅe̶̩̣̲̯̱͊͑̚͞͠ í̸͇͚̜̩͎̳͉̳̦͔͂͂̉͋͒̐͡͞ẗ̢̢̠͙̤̝͉̻̝̣͐͑͛̀̀̇̈́͝͡ f̷̼͙͓̪̦̱̻̉̃̉̿͒o̵̥̙͖̞̰̥̓̊͒̈́̕r̛͕̙̰̭̥̪̻̖̩̒̌̅̔̿ d͙̣͈͓̖̝̰̠̂̋̿̓͠͡o̧͙̰̰͚̭͆͛͋͑͋͘͟͞ų͖̳̭̱͙̓̈͆̈̓͟͞b͕̞̯̜͎̺̓̄̂̀͌ͅt̡͎͇͎̺̫͕̝̍̈̋̑̅̋̉ͅi̵̢̬̭̰͖̞͔̬̅̆͊̐̆͊͠͡ň̢̨̼̰̱̬͎͇̋͂̍͊̀͂ͅg̨͉͎̺̥̭̼̘̼͛͊̇̄̄̋̈́̚͠ y̴̺͓̙̭̜̒̽͊̓̑̑̕̕͟͝͞ǫ̡͕̗̼͚̜̿̂̂̽͡ͅu̷̼͙̯̰̯̼̰̝͛̌̃̉̌͂̅̂̚͟r̸̛͎̙͖͔̙̦͒͒͊̋͐͗̒̇ g̥̟̼̼̔͊̓̏̃̏̍̚̕ͅŗ̷̧̛̻͎̞̰̻̜̱̈͑̂͑͗͌͝͞e̢̲̖͈͕̱̓͋͆̄͆̅̎á̷͔̪̘̳̞̌̓͑̂t̢̛̼̲͓̬͖̿̐̑͐̋̋͑͠͡ň̸̪̻͉̝̥͈͔̱͎̈̾̃͒ȅ̸̘͖̭̺̘̑̇̽͐͟ş̵̯̼͖̘͑͂̌̿̀͑͘͜s̴̨̢͍͚̪̬͈̎͗̈̄̓͊̐͜ͅ!̵̨͖͙͎̞̩̮̖̠̘̇̋̅̿͒̿͞͝͡͠)̧̡̛̛̻̘̞̰͚̐̌͐̑̕

(Shut up, you stupid voice in my head, and let me sleep.)

And so, Louise Françoise Le Blanc de la Vallière slept.

 

\---0---


	2. Chapter 2: In which there is a boy in a rather absurd situation

If one were to ask Hiraga Saito what he was thinking in tampering with the green oval portal that appeared floating in thin air that day, he’d tell that, well, he was just curious. Curiosity was something of a trait he normally had in spades. It’s what led him to learn about lots of different things that caught his attention even when he was only average in terms of grades at school. It’s also what led him to stick his hand into the portal, which activated upon that action and swallowed him whole along with whatever he had on him.

That had not been what he had planned to do that day, not at all. No, that day, he was just going to take his laptop computer for some maintenance to make sure nothing would go wrong later. It was rather important, after all, he was going to register at an online dating site so he could finally find a girlfriend!

Let us not speculate on what his usual luck with the opposite sex was, shall we?

It had been such a nice day that he decided to take what could easily be considered a panoramic route. He had wanted to enjoy some of the sights on the way to the computer repair shop he was going to. He was also pretty much all on his own in the route he was, which would end up being the reason why no one saw as he vanished through something that would have any witnesses calling the police to cordon off the area to make sure no one touched the impossible thing that was happening out of an anime. And no one being there aside from Saito meant no one would try to keep him away from the thing.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!”

And so, the supposedly unremarkable youth from Tokyo, Japan, ended up getting more frequent flier miles than ever before. Not that he HAD frequent flier miles. Or had ever been in a plane. Or was traveling inside a plane.

At his destination, quite a few things would happen that would make Saito wonder if his luck was finally changed for the better, or if it had gotten worse than it was before. Much worse.

\--0--

Today was the day of the Springtime Summoning Ritual. It was an important tradition in the Tristain Academy of Magic that all the developing mages would go through upon entering their second year of schooling. A familiar was a lifelong companion and proof of a noble’s status as a mage. The creature one got as a familiar also served as an accurate identifier of the dominant element of the mage in question. There were a surprising number of anecdotes wherein a noble struggled for years with mastering the element they thought they inherited from their parents, only for it to turn out that they had inherited the affinity of a great grandparent a few generations back that just happened to manifest again in the budding mage in question. It was the sort of thing one laughs about later, or makes one blush in embarrassment when remembering.

For most people, performing the Familiar Summoning Spell successfully was a day where they had more proof of their alleged greatness as part of the exalted nobility of Halkeginia. For Louise Vallière, succeeding in performing the sacred Summoning Ritual was a matter of life or death. Well, maybe not really, but it would pretty much determine the course of her future from that day onward. Failure here meant that she would have to withdraw from the Academy, success would mean she really was a mage, a noble!

It was rather sad that her skills with magic hadn’t quite improved in the ways she would like, that she considered herself to not be quite a real mage in spite of her obvious displays of power. Sure, her magic exploded, but she wouldn’t be able to make things explode without magic, hence she was indeed a mage. Just one that made things explode when she cast a spell. Always. Still, the lack of acknowledgement of her stubborn determination from her so called peers and acceptance of her as an equal, and the apathy of most of her teachers did not do her mental and emotional state any favors. It didn’t help that her other… quirks, made them think her a freak. Her failures at the arcane arts gained her constant ridicule and the nickname of “The Zero”.

If that wasn’t bad enough, there was also the not really small matter of the honor of the Vallière family. For her to essentially flunk out of the academy should she fail to summon would bring shame to her name, her sisters, her father, and her mother. To bring shame to her mother was, above all, unthinkable to Louise. Not that Louise hadn’t already brought shame with her constant lack of talent and success at magic, but she really, really didn’t want to add to it anymore.

So, for the Springtime Summoning Ritual, she researched everything about the process. She checked anecdotes, she looked into incantations and wrote one that would certainly give her a good effect, and she also checked the diagrams of the circle itself. Louise even went the extra mile and designed some ‘minor’ tweaks and improvements to the circle that would increase its efficiency by at least 15%. She even gave her blueprints to Professor Jean Colbert the day before for his consideration.  He had promised he would give it a look and see what could be done.

She was so delighted that she never saw him reach for his bottle of aspirin.

When the big day came, to say Louise was a bundle of nerves would have been an understatement. She wished that Siesta would have brewed her favorite tea that morning, but it probably would have barely made a difference. So instead, the third daughter of a duke tried focusing her mind by going over how she’d handle the familiar she got depending on what she could potentially get. She really hoped she got a manticore like her mother. Although a griffin like the viscount would also be… not really that great, to be honest. A dragon would also be good, having a built-in long-range weapon was something she considered a good bonus.

She also thought a cat would be nice, in case she didn’t get a magical beast. A fluffy white cat would be so good. The young girl even had ideas to weaponize the hairballs for use against Kirche von Anhalt-Zerbst who just wouldn’t stop bothering her, and everyone else that decided it was good to follow in her lead.

In any case, it wouldn’t do to come to the ceremony unprepared. She dressed in her usual clothes of a white blouse with her longer than customary skirt, her new black cape and brooch, and had her handy bag of useful things and went on her way. By the time she came to the place where the ceremony would take place, she was just finishing going over the pros and cons of a bugbear in case she got one of those odd floating eyeball things as a familiar. And she really wasn’t that much less nervous at all. Instead, Louise might have made herself more nervous instead by worrying about what her prospective familiar might be. Bereft of much of a choice, she decided instead to see what everyone else would summon and analyze through that what the familiars said of their summoner’s potential.

When Kirche’s only friend Tabitha summoned a marvelous wind dragon, Louise was feeling rather disheartened. When Kirche herself summoned a Fire Salamander, it made her want to devise a fire extinguishing device to show her rival up instead. Eventually, everyone else had already had their turn. Everyone, of course, but her.

“Now, was that everyone?”

“No, we still have Miss Vallière left.”

And of course, Kirche wouldn’t miss a chance to put her on the spot.

No reason or even a chance to delay things, Louise tried to ignore the stares and the supposedly whispered comments from the rest of the second-year students. She even tried to ignore Kirche’s taunts wherein she also took the chance to flaunt her familiar. Not that it mattered; for better or worse, this was the moment of truth.

“Please…” her desperate plea was spoken too softly to be heard by the others present there. Had it been heard, perhaps those that enjoyed disparaging her would finally feel bad about making fun of her. More likely, they would take the chance to jeer at her pain like the heartless vultures they’d shown themselves to be time and again. Their reactions to the actual incantation, however-

_“My servant, that exists somewhere in this universe!”_

-were ones of complete and abject confusion instead.

One Montmorency Margarita La Fère De Montmorency was also quite exasperated at the ostentatious wording of the incantation. “- _sigh_ \- She’s overdoing things again, isn’t she?” Her boyfriend, the self-styled gentleman Guiche de Gramont, however, tried to speak somewhat favorably of Louise’s efforts, insincere though he was.

“W-well, it is rather unique, wouldn’t you say?” The girl just groaned at the cheesy attempt at saying something nice.

_“My divine, beautiful and powerful familiar!”_

“You know it’s going to explode in her face like every bit of magic she uses does, Guiche,” stated Montmorency.  “I’m surprised she didn’t make some sort of weird contraption to help her summon instead…” Her boyfriend tried to assuage her worries regarding the Zero’s unusual incantation.

It completely failed.

“At least she didn’t tamper with the structure of the spell itself, that would be- “

“…”

“…”

Because instead they both achieved a rare moment of mutual understanding wherein they realized that they might possibly be completely and utterly screwed.

_“I wish and assert from the bottom of my heart…”_

_“Everyone! Take cover!”_

**_“Answer to my guidance!”_ **

\-- 0 --

Saito came back to consciousness coughing up quite a bit of dust and trying to shake away the ringing in his ears. Oh, his sight seemed to be a bit blurry as well- no that was just form the dust in his eyes. He seemed to be in a cloud of the stuff.

‘What’s going on? Was there an attack? What-’ the moment his hearing started working again, he heard the sounds of someone in pain nearby. Saito put his computer down and went towards the origin of the noise. He tripped and fell to the ground, fortunately managing to protect his face with his arms and not fall on his nose. The boy then looked to what had made him trip and found a person sprawled on the ground.

It was a foreign girl with long, strawberry blonde hair which seemed like it had been burnt in some places. Saito winced; she likely was going to need to get it cut. He winced in sympathy at the thought. She was also dirty from dust and ash, and seems like she might have some bruises on her face and other parts he could see. She was wearing an odd uniform: a white blouse with a black skirt and-a cape? Was she some sort of cosplayer? He couldn’t for the life of him recognize from what franchise, though. Her eyes were also wide open and she was mumbling something in what sounded like English. It was a good thing he was actually somewhat fluent without much of an accent.

The Japanese youth sat her up as gently as he could and tried getting her to respond to him. “Hey, are you okay? Speak to me!” The girl turned to look at him somewhat unsteadily. Her eyes did not seem very focused, however, meaning she was probably suffering from a concussion.

“Heeeeeeeey, yer cuuute, hee!”

Yep, she was definitely suffering from a concussion and Saito was definitely flushing a bit at the comment. “Can, uh, can you understand me? Are you in pain? What happened here?”

“Was doing the Springtime Summoning Ritual. To get my familiar. Spell went boom. Big boom, wee.”

Summoning Ritual? Spell? Was she one of those Live Action Role Players as well? She must have been really into it for her not to break character even when stunned! The wind seemed to pick up and the dust cloud was dispersing. Saito could even see people around him! He should get help for this girl!

Wait, didn’t he get sucked by a magical green portal thing floating in mid-air?

“Did you bring me here!? Answer me?!” He was not going to question magic when he went through something out of an anime or light novel. Sure, he knew he wasn’t considered all that bright but he wasn’t THAT stupid, right?

The girl kinda… stared at him, and tilted her head as if considering something. Then, a goofy, punch drunken, cross-eyed grin was on her face. Her next words sealed his fate.

“Th-then YOU must be my FAMILIAR!”

“Huh?”

She took a stick (a wand?) and pointed it at his forehead and spoke what seemed to be an incantation. “Pe-pehentagram of the Five Elements! Bless this being and make him my familiar!”

He tried getting away from her, after she finished the incantation he could feel a tingle throughout his whole body that did not give him anything that wasn’t the most ominous of vibes. He stumbled and fell instead, leaving him to crawl away from the crazy girl. The only reason he didn’t was because she grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him towards her and then-

She kissed him. On the lips. She took his first kiss.

Saito didn’t really have much time to wonder whether he was lucky or unlucky before the girl completely lost consciousness and fell on her back. And then his world was pain.

\--0--

Professor Jean Colbert partly blamed himself for what happened. He should have made clear to Miss Valliere that he didn’t think any tweaks to the Familiar Summoning Ritual would truly make that much of a difference. So, he… shelved her blueprints for a modified summoning circle because he didn’t want to have to test the thing beforehand, there simply wasn’t any time. He had assumed that she would just use the standard version of the summoning spell, he never conceived that she would also tweak the structure of the spell she would cast as well as the circle. And now his favorite troublesome student was in the infirmary from the after effects of her own summon, with her bonded familiar in another bed. And what a familiar he was.

A human. Of all the things for Miss Valliere to have summoned, she called upon and branded a human as her familiar. It was a good thing that they managed to disperse the cloud of debris with a wind spell in time to see the branding in action, otherwise there would be accusations about her pulling some chicanery and faking summoning a familiar. As it was, he did not doubt that Miss Von Zerbst would insist on accusing her of doing so, even if just to tweak her supposed rival in private.

Not that poor Miss Valliere wasn’t going to be busy enduring the fallout of the rather hungry looking kiss she used to seal the ritual.

No matter what mortification she had to endure, however, one thing was certain; her getting a human for a familiar was very much not natural. If he were another sort, he’d just quip that it was only fitting for such an unusual girl to get an unusual familiar, roll his eyes, and do something else. However, he was not that careless and arrogant sort of person who would do such a thing. In the past, he had been the Flame Snake, serving under Karin the Heavy Wind herself. One did not thrive in the command of the Heavy Wind by being careless and arrogant. His former commander would not suffer fools.

The summoned being should have been of a matching alignment to the summoner, at least on a conceptual level. Not every mage had a magical familiar, after all. The boy had no magic to call his own, the branding of the runes aside, therefore, he had no accepted alignment. And then there were the runes themselves. They were familiar in a way that set off very loud alarms. He’d have to check the library later to verify his suspicions.

Right now, however, he was waiting for his student to wake up. It would be best if he spoke to her then; hopefully, she wouldn’t be too upset at the results of her summoning. Ah, she was waking up. It was a good thing he had taken the precaution of making a calming drought for the girl. After all, it wouldn’t do for her to get into one of her rather explosive moods when she woke up.

\--0--

Saito woke up to the sound of yelling. And not just any yelling, but very feminine, angry yelling. He didn’t think he’d ever heard his mother argue like that even that one time his father came home drunk after celebrating a promotion that he had forgotten to tell them about. The promotion and the celebration, that is. Not that it was his mother’s voice that he was hearing. Wait, what had he been doing again? And why was he asleep?

He felt an itch in his left hand. He opened his eyes and saw on the back of his hand the proof that the thing that happened wasn’t a dream at all. Crud. The Japanese youth turned to look towards the direction of the yelling.

He saw a balding man that had to be some sort of teacher, he had that look about him, next to a bed. In said bed, he saw the loopy girl that was concussed and… kissed him. He winced in sympathy when he looked at her. Her long hair was no more, it was instead cut into a bob haircut that almost but not quite reach her shoulders. While that would have been enough to be very upset, she was not the one that was yelling.

The yelling came from a taller girl, her hair a more traditional shade of blonde, styled in large ringlets and topped off with a bow. Her face would have been pretty, if it wasn’t twisted into a rictus of fury and ranting up a storm at loopy girl’s face. He could only make up a few words like “What were you thinking” and of all the careless” being repeated in sections. The rest was kind of an incoherent mess.

So, Saito thought of his current situation. One, he touched something he really probably shouldn’t have. Two, he really didn’t know where he was. And three, they weren’t paying attention to him at the moment.

He snuck out of the infirmary and then, when he was sure they hadn’t noticed him leave, he ran.

Let us take note that, yes, Saito could be a curious sort regarding things that happened to catch his interest. And while he knew people didn’t think him very smart… he completely underestimated just how not clever he really was. After all, the fact that he wasn’t in chains, or waiting to get killed to get eaten or something else equally horrifying (some mages did like to sacrifice unlucky, hapless fools to summon eldritch horrors from beyond) should have told him these people could likely be reasoned with.

Unfortunately, he was also a somewhat impulsive, socially inept adolescent boy that didn’t really understand people who he didn’t refer to as Mom and Dad. It just didn’t occur to him that perhaps staying and asking questions before, as they say, booking it, would have likely gotten him more answers to his current situation than going off on his own.

All of this, being taken into account, of course, led to him getting lost a few times trying to get out of what he only realized halfway through his flight was a genuine castle. And then when he finally reached the outside and looked at the sky...

“… I’m not even on Earth anymore, am I?”

There were two moons, one blue, one red. He didn’t have the time to either miss the familiar silver orb from his world and despair or even idly ponder on what effect would having two moons had on the environment and the tides, before he was forcefully grabbed and lifted against his will and turned around towards the castle again. His protests died quickly when he noticed who-no, rather, WHAT held him captive.

It was two armors, feminine styled. _Magical Armors that Walked._ Before he could really start protesting to be let go, someone spoke to him.

“You know, I don’t blame you for running too much. She can be quite a handful; believe me, I know. Still, it is rather rude for you to leave without even talking with her. It’s just going to make things rather more… unpleasant for you.”

The speaker was a boy around his age, handsome features, blond hair carefully coiffed and a frilly shirt partially opened up at the top to display part of his chest. On one hand he had a rose… wand? And was he… _posing?_

“I got captured by a prissy pretty boy,” Saito mumbled low enough he likely wasn’t heard. If anyone from back home saw him right now, they’d never let him live it down.

\--0--

Louise hated the calming potion at times. She knew why she needed, specially at times like this, when it could help her not have one of her ‘episodes’ and make a fool of herself or causing some kind of problem. At the same time, it was a reminder of how weak she was, that she couldn’t control herself without being drugged up.

She hated it. She hated having one more reminder that she was defective. One more sign that Louise Francoise Lu Blanc de la Valliere was a broken, miserable thing that shouldn’t have been born to her family. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to rant at the unfairness of everything. She also wanted for Montmorency to take a breath and stop yelling at her. How the heck was she managing to go for so long without filling her lungs again?

Trying to piece together all that she was incoherently screaming would normally be giving her a headache. At the moment, she just couldn’t really muster the focus to try and make sense of the spittle strewn reprimand aimed at her. No, Louise’s mind was on more important topics. One was the loss of her beautiful hair. She liked her hair the way it was. She didn’t care that it was now cut at a more apparently practical length, she liked having long, pretty hair. The second topic she was thinking about was her familiar.

Her familiar who wasn’t in his bed or in the infirmary right at that very moment. A bit of temper managed to force its way through the induced calmness. “ _Where is he?! Where did he go?!”_ She should go look for him. She didn’t want to suffer the embarrassment of her own familiar running away from her. That just shouldn’t happen.

**It really shouldn’t. Familiars are supposed to be under a compulsion to obey the mage. They shouldn’t be capable of running away like this upon being branded. Interesting.**

Her distraction was apparently enough that Professor Colbert forced her back into the bed she was in. Right, she hadn’t been cleared after what happened during the day. Something about the backfire of the circle caused her body to be infused with lightly toxic magic residue. She was assured by professor Colbert that it was harmless… aside from the effects similar to getting drunk on alcohol.

Right, inebriation, that totally explained how she nearly tasted her familiar’s tongue in front of everyone. Wait, did her kiss get that far? She couldn’t even remember. Tomorrow, her alleged peers would probably inform her all about the scene she made with the familiar binding. Wait why was she getting distracted? She needed to find…

‘I don’t even know what his name is, do I?’ she thought bitterly at recognizing yet another blunder she made. Sure, she didn’t have to give him his own name because he already came with a name from being a human and everything, but-

“Someone, find my familiar… please.” She felt fine enough. Really. She probably could go looking for her wayward familiar herself, but the last time she tried getting away from the infirmary before the head healer said so... well, after being forced to clean the sheets of every bed in the ward, by hand, she pretty much had no choice but to give a raise to Siesta’s salary. She didn’t know what the head healer would do this time, but it probably would be something more creatively dreadful and she really didn’t feel like experimenting how far she could push in disobeying bed rest protocols.

Professor Colbert assuaged her that the boy would be found and that it wasn’t very probably he had left the academy grounds. Montmorency seemed like she was winding up for another tirade, or would be if she wasn’t catching her breath from the previous one. Really, how did she manage to keep a rant going that long without really taking breaths for as long as she did? Louise idly wondered if **Montmorency wouldn’t mind undergoing some tests to determine-**

It wasn’t long before she heard a sound of some very particular, and recognizable, clanging steps. Why had Guiche summoned his Valkyries? She didn’t have to wait long to find out; the golems made by her usually foppish classmate came into the infirmary carrying a rather disgruntled looking boy who seemed to be muttering some imprecations in a language she didn’t quite recognize. Ah, Guiche found her familiar so soon? Where had he been?

“I do believe this is yours, Miss Valliére.” Well, wherever he was earlier, right here and now, he was making what he apparently considered a triumphant entrance. Louise felt more than heard Montmorency’s sigh of annoyance at the boy’s antics. With but a thought, Guiche instructed his two constructs into unceremoniously releasing the boy in front of her bed. The black-haired boy, who was now sitting on the floor, gave a surly look back at the blond fop’s direction, but said nothing.

If Professor Colbert had any opinions at the blond fop’s over dramatic delivery of the missing familiar, he didn’t say anything except some words of gratitude. “Ah, many thanks, Mr. de Gramont. You saved us all quite a bit of trouble.” While the boy preened under the praise, Louise felt that said praise wasn’t entirely genuine. Was the professor distracted with something? Eh, not that it mattered too much. She got her runaway familiar back.

And she still didn’t know his name.

\--0--

She really was beautiful, Saito thought. Her face cleaned up and free of soot and dust, he could appreciate her features a lot better than he could before. A slight blush came when he recalled the kiss. If he were to tell anyone, he’d say he was conflicted about that little incident. On one hand, he got kissed by a pretty girl, on the other, he didn’t really know her or even so much as asked her on a date. If he were honest with himself to others, he’d complain that he wished he could have enjoyed it more. Not that he’d actually admit that to even himself.

At the moment, she was just… staring at him. He couldn’t really place her expression. He couldn’t remember any girl put him under any sort of scrutiny like this. They usually wanted to not look at him, really. He didn’t understand why, to be honest. He didn’t think he was ugly, and he always showered and cleaned his face and brushed his teeth daily. Saito also didn’t understand what was happening right now, either, so maybe it balanced out? Then, the girl’s head tilted to the side as her face finally settled on something akin to curiosity. Then, she spoke-

“What are your clothes made of?”

-a question that was totally not the sort of thing that one would expect in this sort of situation.

And then she got water splashed in her face.

\--0--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I took so long to post this... this chapter wasn't that cooperative.


End file.
